Where Does Your Minivan Live?

Mine does not live in a garage. I think that Detroit and Japan and ever other place that makes these  workhorses thinks that all Mom has to do is walk from her Suburban home, into the garage, open the door and drive away.

Some of us live in a city and park on a street and when the nights are (^&$^&&*%$$#%$&* COLD there is ice and frost on the windows that has to be scraped. Yes, the defrost helps to melt some of this but I can't let my car run by itself unattended. That would be insane. Can you just imagine the call to my insurance company when I tell them that my car is missing.
  • "Well, ma'am, where did you leave it?" 
  • "Oh, I left it running in front of my house with the keys in it so that I could go back inside and stay warm and let the defrost melt the frost off my windshield."
  • [crickets]

That's not entirely fair to my neighborhood because it is a wonderful place but seriously who leaves their car unattended with the keys in it and running and assumes that it'll be there when they come back? So, let's just move on.

The point I'm trying to make is that the windshield is too high and wide for me.

Now, for those of you who haven't met me in person and think I might be a petite woman of about five foot two - first of all, God Bless you:), but second of all, I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm five foot eight and hale and hearty from years of childhood sports. I have a good reach, but apparently you have to be a freaking albatross to reach the middle of the windshield of a minivan and you definitely have to be taller than 5'8".

One solution might be a scraper with a longer handle. I thought of this. I did. This morning while I had my body flush up against my car and the radio antennae flipping about my head. This will help some but I worry about leverage. I think there will still be the section in the very middle and around the rear view mirror that I won't be able to reach but perhaps by the time I scrape everything else the defrost will have gotten to that part. Worst come to worst I'll just have to take my time and learn that this is just part of living in the city. It's part of the character of the neighborhood. Or I can bring the kidlets step stool from the bathroom and wouldn't that be cute.

Jobs I'm Too Old For

It’s my birthday month so my blog posts are all going to be about me.

Since I’ve just recently gone back to work my brain is stuck in interview mode. There’s something about having been through the interview process and the preparation for the dreaded “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ question that makes me think about the jobs that I’m already too old for. I’m turning 42. Statistically, and in accordance with the longevity of my family, I’m at about half my life expectancy. But as we all know there are jobs that I won’t be asked to apply for as a 42 year old woman. Here are some of my thoughts.

I’m going to discount jobs like professional cheerleader or supermodel. Yes, they are behind me but they really weren’t realistic career choices for me anyway. I can put professional soccer player on the list as that was one of my goals when I was 9 – along with concert oboist and President of the United States [more on that later].  I am definitely too old to play pro soccer even if I had enough talent. Those women who won back to back World Cup trophies were my contemporaries and even they are retired and broadcasting from the booth. But thank goodness for Title IX that this was a possibility for some women.

Now, while I’m not too old to be a concert oboist I am old enough and self-aware enough to not put any one I like through the pain of listening to me anymore. Every again. You are all lucky that no symphony will take me. Really. 

If you have Netflix Streaming you might have noticed that in January they showed the James Bond movies. That got us to thinking when in the careers of each of the title actors did they begin playing that role. [I’m going to stick to the major film actors here.]
·         Sean Connery – 32
·         Roger Moore – 46
·         Timothy Dalton – 41
·         Pierce Brosnan –42
·         Daniel Craig –38

Except for Roger Moore each of these actors began their work in this quintessential role before or around their 42nd birthday. I’m not knocking Roger Moore, as these are the Bond movies I grew up on, but most people don’t consider these to be the Best of Bond. However, as trends go, if you want to be James Bond you need to secure this role while you can still pound down the martinis, run a lot, and not need a body double for ALL of your body.

In truth, President of the United States is the only job I can think of with a minimum age requirement. [Well, other Constitutional officers do as well – such as Congressional Representative and Senator.] So, I guess that while many jobs are never going to be open to me again I can always hold onto the fact that the highest elected office in the land is available to anyone as long as they are
  • a natural born citizen of the United States;
  • at least thirty-five years old;
  • a permanent resident in the United States for at least fourteen years. 
[Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 of the Constitution]

And, of course, as we all know James Bond can’t be elected President so it leaves just one more job open to some of the rest of us.